


Reilly Oh Reilly

by NoahK



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, And feels, F/F, Not what you think, and also i may continue it so, i'm sorry but like, it had to be done and its great, there's feels, theres hope, tiny human fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-06 22:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10345758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoahK/pseuds/NoahK
Summary: First birthdays are like the first real moment that you realize your little baby is growing up way too fast. They’re equal parts adorable and emotional; equal parts ‘oh my god my little baby is one’ and ‘oh my literal god stop growing up so damn fast’.





	1. By Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> Things aren't always what they seem. Buckle up...that's all I'm gonna say

First birthdays are like the first real moment that you realize your little baby is growing up way too fast. They’re equal parts adorable and emotional; equal parts ‘oh my god my little baby is one’ and ‘oh my literal god stop growing up so damn fast’. It’s hard to believe that little baby Reilly was already a whole year old. The last year was a blur of sleepless nights, crying phone calls of desperation, moments of pure joy, and well over a thousand pictures and videos of her precious little baby girl. It’s like one day her baby was born and then all of a sudden like the blink of an eye it’s her first birthday.

“Time is going by way too fast,” Beca mumbles, a hand running through her wild bed head as she makes her way down the hall. She opens the door to the younger Mitchell’s room and peeks her head inside to see her little girl standing at the corner clearly waiting for her arrival. “There’s my little birthday girl. How did you sleep?” 

Reilly mumbles incoherently to her mother’s question making her laugh because it’s just way too cute that she tries to respond with her baby babble. Soon enough she’d be saying a whole lot more than just ‘hi’ and ‘mama’ and Beca honestly doesn’t know how to feel about that one. Even her babble is non stop so she knows she’s going to be in for one hell of a ride when Reilly’s vocabulary begins to expand. Speaking of which she really needs to learn to stick a filter on herself because the cursing may have worked when Reilly couldn’t mimic her but she knew the days of mimicking what she hears were coming on fast. Beca really doesn’t want to be the single mother that has to embarrassingly apologize to her daughter’s preschool teachers when she goes off to school and drops the F-Bomb like it’s any ordinary word. Yeah, Beca should really work on pulling back on that one. Maybe restrict her usage of her more colorful words to times when her daughter isn’t hanging around her.

“Let’s get some breakfast, little bean,” Beca coos as she tickles her daughter who immediately starts giggling uncontrollably. “But first, let’s get you into your special birthday outfit!”

Beca hates to admit it but she very quickly became the mother she never thought she’d be. You know, the ones that she used to make fun of when she was younger, even in college she would make fun of those mothers that would dress up their kids for special events like birthdays and holidays. Upon actually having a tiny human of her own she very, very quickly became one of those mothers that she always cracked jokes about. It wasn’t even like a lot of time had gone by in which all of that happened. One year she’s making fun of all those moms doting over their children, the next year she’s having Reilly and quickly became one of them. She never in a thousand years ever thought that this was the path she was heading down. If you had asked her a year and 9 months ago where she saw herself in 2 years she would have said a music producer in LA struggling to make it big and break into the industry. She most definitely would not have said a single mother of a toddler living in Atlanta and still working at Residual Heat aka the internship that quickly turned into a contract that stuck. 

“Alright, birthday girl, first things first. Let’s get you out of these pajamas, into a fresh diaper, and then birthday outfit,” Beca explains as Reilly simply smiles at her and decides to be uncooperative in taking off her pajamas. Every time Beca would almost get her arm out the younger girl would jerk the other way and kick her feet. This being a pretty typical occurrence in their house Beca eventually managed to get the onesie off and change her with minimal delay.

Within a few minutes Beca has her daughter all dressed up and ready for the special day. She can’t help but to think about how adorable her little baby girl was in her new outfit. Reilly, now sitting in her high chair for breakfast, was wearing a light grey “Birthday Girl!” shirt with each letter in a different bright colored pattern and wore striped pants to match the colors in the shirt. It was adorable to say the least. Of course, Beca is biased, it is her tiny human we’re talking about here.

Typical to Beca’s adoring feelings towards her little bean she whips out her phone to snap a few pictures of the birthday girl eating her cheerios that are scattered across her tray. She prepares her oats with some baby food and makes her way to sit in the chair in front of the highchair. As she’s feeding each spoonful to Reilly she smiles at how much Reilly is enjoying her food and her stunning blue eyes. 

Once Reilly finishes her food she unleashes her from the highchair to go roaming around the kitchen while Beca prepares her typical breakfast, waffles and black coffee. She never was much of a fan of breakfast but now having an energetic toddler who can walk means that Beca needs to be even more energetic to keep up with her. And that just isn’t possible without a large black coffee and some food in her system. That also means that she needs to eat fast because Reilly will get easily bored of roaming the mostly empty kitchen and will soon be shaking the gate in hopes of getting Beca to bring her to the living room where there is an endless supply of toys to keep her entertained.

_You shout it out but I can’t hear a word you say. I’m talking loud not saying much. I’m criticized but all your--_

“Hello,” Beca says before her phone is even fully up to her ear.

“Beca,” Aubrey deadpans from the other side of the phone. “How are you this morning? How’s Reilly?”

“I’m as good as I can everything considered. Reilly’s good. Wait until you see her birthday outfit,” Beca beams a smile spreading across her face. She’s mixing some sugar in her coffee when she hears the gate start to rattle.

“I can’t wait. I’m sure it’s just as adorable as she is. I just wanted to call to double check the time that everyone’s coming by. You said 3 pm after Reilly’s nap but do you need any help setting up? Should I come by early?” Aubrey rambles out while Beca tries her hardest not to spill her coffee as she maneuvers the gate to let both herself and Reilly into the adjoining room. “Beca?' 

“Yeah, sorry. Gate trouble as per usual. If you’d like to come by early you can. I know even if I told you that I don’t need the help that you’d still show up early so might as well go with it,” Beca laughs watching Reilly grab a book and plop on the floor with it rather ungracefully.

“Mitchell, I didn’t call for your sass or your approval.” 

“Exactly,” Beca chuckles. “So, I’ll see you at around 2:30 then?”

“Yep, on the dot,” Aubrey clucks as she types out a group message. “And you don’t have to remind me to be quiet.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Beca replies knowing damn well that she probably was going to remind her. It’s not her fault it’s really just a habit at this point. Nap time was her time to relax and her time to get work done from home. She was still working from home most of the time because it was easier to take care of Reilly until she was able to find a reliable daycare that she was comfortable putting her in. 

“See you then, Mitchell,” Aubrey says before quickly hanging up the phone.

The morning goes by fairly quickly and before she even realizes it it’s nap time aka her time to clean up the house to be more suitable for guests. It also meant that it was time to start decorating the walls with the birthday banner and other decorations she got a few weeks ago. She put on the TV to some music station she somewhat enjoys and turned the volume down so it wouldn’t disturb Reilly and then she got to work.

**Aubrey (2:30 pm):** Door Mitchell! Why didn’t you just leave it unlocked?

Beca sees the text the minute her phone vibrates on the coffee table. The sound of which was absolutely horrifying but she quickly skips to the door before Aubrey decides to blow up her phone with messages for taking too long to let her in.

“Took you long enough,” Aubrey huffed when the door finally flies open. She doesn’t even wait for Beca to move out of the way to make her way into the small house a string of helium balloons following behind her, efficiently smacking Beca in the face on their way in. 

“Nice to see you too,” Beca mumbles, closing the door, and turning to follow the older girl. “I see you brought balloons.”

“Yeah. What kind of birthday party would it be if there wasn’t balloons?” Aubrey questions as she takes in the room and the decorations that Beca has spent the past hour and a half setting up. “I’m pleasantly surprised with your decorating skills, Mitchell.” 

“Well, I’m glad they live up to your standards,” Beca quips and deep down she’s actually very smug over this. “I’m going to set up the food and all that in the kitchen now if you want to fix anything or set up your balloons.”

“Sounds good,” Aubrey agrees not wasting any time to start tying the balloons to various fixtures around the room. Beca’s actually surprised that Aubrey followed her ‘minimal pink’ rule and instead had a collection of balloons ranging from lime greens, light oranges, and an assortment of Disney characters.

The first time she brought up the ‘minimal pink rule’ she was met with various glares from her former Bellas immediately followed by strings of colorful phrases that ranged from ‘what the fuck does that mean’ to ‘just because you don’t like pink doesn’t mean she can’t like pink.’ She followed up with saying that it was more than just something about her and it was her request to not overly enforce ridiculous gender norms on a baby. After that everyone started to understand just a little bit better because they have to admit it was a valid and reasonable request.

“She’s up,” Aubrey calls into the kitchen. “Can I get her?” 

“Sure,” Beca replies, placing another tray of food onto the table. If Aubrey wants to deal with diaper duty she definitely wasn’t going to complain and besides she’s got all these cupcakes to set up on the cupcake stand that someone had given her a few weeks ago. 

“Auntie Aubrey loves you so much, Reilly,” Aubrey coos as she makes her way into the kitchen holding Reilly on her hip. “How are the cupcakes coming?”

“Good. Everything’s coming together smoothly. Do you want to play with her in the other room? Everyone should be getting here soon so I want to get all of this sorted before then,” Beca explains briefly looking up from the cupcakes she’s just placed around the bottom tier. 

“Sure thing. Just don’t take too long, Beca, you should be a good host and greet people at the door when they get here,” Aubrey teases quickly turning back into the other room when she sees Beca lift a cupcake and get ready to throw it in her direction. She wouldn’t totally put it past her to actually throw the cupcake at her and then all hell would break loose because this outfit was not meant for icing to get all over.

Beca heard the older girl in the other room as she set up her phone to the speaker to start up the playlist that she had spent hours making in the past week. She has to admit that getting all the cupcakes to fit on the stand was a little bit of a challenge. The last thing she wanted was for them to be haphazardly thrown about and she definitely didn’t want to leave any of the cupcakes out of the arrangement.

Right as she was placing the final cupcake on the top tier she heard someone knock on the door the way they used to do in the Bella house not too many years ago. Before Aubrey could even bark her orders at the younger girl she was bolting to the door while yelling, “I’m coming.”

When she opened the door it was a blur of screaming, presents, and Bellas piling through the door each of them stopping for a moment to give her a one armed hug while juggling presents in the other arm.

“Aubrey,” Fat Amy accuses in her typical tone. “I see you got here early to hog all the ginger love.”

“I see that you brought a flask to a one year old’s birthday party,” Aubrey retorts as she points out the obvious bulge of a flask at Fat Amy’s hip. 

“Gotta get the party started somehow, don’t I? Who’s gonna keep this party going than Fat Amy and her precious flask of liquid humor,” she explains with a smile on her face. Fat Amy makes eye contact with Aubrey and she breaks out the flask to take a long chug from it while never breaking eye contact. Aubrey shoots daggers her way before turning to the other girls. 

“Bellas! Good to see you all,” Aubrey chirps, standing from her place on the floor to rush over and hug them all. “What no love for your former captain?”

“A quick hug is all you get,” Ashely starts.  
“And then all our attention goes back to little Reilly over there,” Jessica finishes as they both hug the blonde girl.

“You weren’t my captain,” Flo blurts out with a smirk. “But I’m definitely up for a hug.” 

Aubrey laughs as she embraces the other girl and moves on to hug Cynthia Rose while Lilly glares at her with a look that very clearly says ‘you touch me and my ninja stars are about to make an appearance’. So she dodges Lilly, opting for a wave that goes unreturned before turning to Legacy who engulfs her in a heartbeat.

“How are you?” Emily asks almost hesitant.

“Good as I can be,” Aubrey mumbles into her hair. “Focusing on the positive today.”

Emily nods her head in response, not wanting to pry, before going to sit on the couch where Reilly is dancing around happily to one of her favorite songs.

“What about Conrad?” Stacie questions with a giant smile and her arms held out wide.

“Saving the best for last of course,” Aubrey giggles as she envelopes the other girl in a hug and pulls her closer. Their hug lasts the longest of all of them but when they finally separate Stacie gives her a knowing smile before moving to go find a place to sit, her former captain in tow.

“Well, everyone, thanks for being here on Reilly’s big day! There’s deviled eggs, pasta, and dessert in the kitchen for whenever you’re hungry. Just remember that you all have to be out of here by 7 on the dot,” Beca points at Fat Amy who's taking yet another long sip from her flask. When she’s met with a few whines and boos she cuts them off, “Reilly has a very strict bedtime. Sorry.”

“Since when is Beca the boring one?” Fat Amy quips from where she’s sitting across the room, flask now tucked away out of sight.

“Since Reilly came along. Duh,” Emily interjects. The younger girl immediately recoils and sinks back into the couch hoping that she didn’t strike a nerve.

“Anyway we’ll do presents when everyone’s settled,” Beca says without skipping a beat. “Feel free to bring them around here whenever you’re ready.”

It wasn’t much of a question or a demand but immediately all of the Bellas went and collected their gifts from where they dropped them just outside the entryway. Beca assumes that they were just too excited and impatient to show an already animated Reilly all of the love the Bellas had for her. Not that she didn’t know already because she definitely did. The other Bellas were Reilly’s second greatest support system, the first obviously being Beca.

As all of the girls find their seats again this time with their presents set before them Beca finds a spot on the floor in the middle of the makeshift circle that the girls created. Reilly instantly comes running over and rather ungracefully plops herself into Beca’s lap obviously ready for whatever it is that’s about to happen.

“Fat Amy first,” Fat Amy yells as she uses her foot to push her present over to the two in the middle of the circle.

“Typical,” Aubrey scoffs from her seat.

Everyone turns their attention to the giant orange rectangle as Beca helps the younger girl tear the wrapping paper off the very large box. When it finally is free Reilly continues hitting the box as if the box is what’s special.

“Would you look at that, a lion king themed ball pit,” Beca chuckles. Oh yeah, Fat Amy definitely got this thinking that it would make such a mess while also being thoroughly entertaining. “Thanks, Ames.”

“Not a problem, tiny. I’m sure little red will love it.”

“Me next!” Stacie interrupts as she passes a small blue box to Beca.

And from there it’s a blur of flying wrapping paper, snarky comments between them, and quite a lot of new toys, clothes, and decorations for Reilly. Aubrey even got her a new set of customized letters for her room that spell out her name, each of them themed after a different character from some of the movies that Beca and Reilly watch the most. Beca still hates movies but that doesn’t mean she’s going to deprive Reilly from the kids movies that everyone raves about. If she’s being totally honest some of them are actually really good. Like Moana, for example? Beca cried she loved it so much. She is 100% on the Moana boat. No doubt about it. It’s kind of to the point that she squealed upon seeing that the ‘R’ and ‘Y’ of her name was Moana themed. The other letters were themed after Up, Zootopia, Lilo & Stitch, and Big Hero 6. Needless to say Beca was over the moon about the customized letters and made sure to thank Aubrey for it at least half a dozen times.

Reilly, being the typical ball of energy that she is, was now running around the kitchen while everyone was eating the various foods that Beca had for the occasion. Beca grabbed the busy little bee as she was trying to run across the room again and spun her around in a circle on the way to put her in the high chair for dinner. Everyone cooed at her as she happily stuffed her face full of food occasionally tossing some of it and managing to hit a couple of her aunts in the process. Much to Beca’s delight Aubrey offered to take over the close monitoring of her eating so that she could go get some food for herself.

Once Beca had a plate she was happy to have a moment to just sit back, eat, and observe all the other Bellas interacting. It really wasn’t every day that she had a chance to take a breath for herself during the day. And there was something so calming about being surrounded by so many people that showed so much love to her daughter. Something that made her heart swell with so much joy and so much love that it made her warm and giddy.

When it comes to singing ‘Happy Birthday’ with the Bellas it is 100% certain that it will be turned into a huge affair. Aubrey even busted out her old Barden Bellas pitch pipe to take lead and start them off. Reilly watches with huge curious eyes that shift from each of her aunts before her with a smile that makes them all melt. When the song is finally over they all clap and cheer as Reilly mimics them with laughter. All phones were out for the affair of Reilly’s first cupcake.

“Alright, Reilly. Let’s get messy,” Beca jokes as she puts the cupcake in front of her.

Reilly’s first reaction is to slap her hand on top of the lime green icing. She looks at her hand with what could only be described as bewilderment before she stuffs it into her mouth. The minute the icing touches her tongue she cringes at the sweetness but her cringe quickly formed into a smile and bubbling laughter. Reilly grabbed the cupcake, again just by the icing, and continued to rub icing all over face barely succeeding to get any of it in her mouth. Everyone of them watching laughed as Reilly tried again and again to actually eat some of the cupcake. After two minutes of this they slowly retreated with the phones and grabbed some of their own cupcakes to enjoy.

When everyone was done with their dessert they all took turns taking selfies and group pictures with Reilly, her face covered in lime green icing, blue eyes shining and a proud smile on her face. Aubrey forced Beca to be in some of the pictures and promised that she’d even print them out to start a really good scrapbook to document Reilly, her mom, and all the other Aunt Bellas.

Before Beca even knew it everyone was helping her clean up the house to leave it in perfect condition. Though at this point Fat Amy was significantly drunk and wasn’t doing as much cleaning as the rest of them. No, instead she was trying to get the Lion King ball pit set up in the living room and was struggling horribly to do so. Beca left the room for 3 minutes to throw out another garbage bag and when she came back Fat Amy was laying down on the floor amongst a mess of colorful plastic balls. She chuckled to herself as she tried to gather the balls into one section of the room. Beca popped open the tent with Simba, Timon and Pumba on it while Fat Amy stared in complete awe as if she just performed magic. The minute it was stable Fat Amy began throwing the balls into the pit while making horrible jokes about blue balls that were entirely inappropriate.

“Amy!” Aubrey yells, the younger girl instantly whipping towards the sound with a look of pure shock. “If you make one more inappropriate joke I will not invite you to the next get together.”

“Oh, okay, Cap. Damn,” Fat Amy says throwing her hands up in defense. “I mean, oh fiddlesticks.”

“Yeah. Oh fiddlesticks is right,” Aubrey scolded with a pointed look. She took a glance at the time, declaring that it was her time to be a controlling boss was here. “Alright, Bellas! Let’s finish this up and be on our way. Little Reilly is due for bed any minute.”

“Party pooper,” Fat Amy mumbles while rolling over to the couch in attempt to get back on her feet. It only takes a quick look her way for Amy to shut it and go about her business silently.

Beca watched as all the other girls collected their belongings while she was holding, a now yawning, Reilly. There was something sad in that moment that Beca knew was coming because anytime her Bellas come and go she’s left with a feeling of emptiness. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever get used to times like these.

“Goodnight, little red,” Fat Amy says, stumbling over her words and giving her a kiss on the forehead. “And goodnight feisty one.”

“You’re getting so big Ry-Ry,” Jessica coos on her way out the door.

“Way too big,” Ashley echoes. “Goodnight birthday girl!”

“Now don’t get too crazy tonight,” Cynthia Rose comments when she makes eye contact with Beca. “You know what I mean. Just try to think about this little one and how cute she is!”

“She is very cute and distracting,” Stacie agrees coming up beside them. “But I agree with CR, try not to let it get to you too much, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Beca chokes out, forcing a small smile. She gives them both a hug before they make their way out the door.

Lilly walks up to them with a look on her face. She rubs her nose, like an eskimo kiss, against Reilly’s nose but when she tries to do it to the other girl she thinks better of it. Or rather Beca recoils so far back that she has no choice but to pass it up.

Flo comes up to her with a pep in her step while saying, “Buenas noches mi dulce bebé.”

“Thanks, Flo.”

“Aw, this party was great, Beca,” Emily chirped as she gave Reilly a kiss on the cheek. “And if you, like, need anything just text me.”

“Of course. Thank you,” Beca replies with a slight smile.

“Okay. That should be everyone,” Aubrey starts as she looks around the room one last time to make sure everything is in order. “It looks like this little one had quite the day.”

“That she has,” Beca agrees as Reilly looks calmly between them while rubbing her eyes with her fist. “She’s definitely worn out and probably going to sleep amazingly.”

“I’m sure she will. So, okay then. If you need anything you know I’m just a text or a phone call away,” Aubrey offers, a hand resting on Beca’s arm in a reassuring gesture.

“I know, Bree,” Beca mumbles with a slight smile. “I’m honestly probably going to crash early too.”

“That might be a good idea,” Aubrey agreed. “Alright. Good night little one and good night Mitchell.”

“Good night. And thanks everyone for coming!” Beca yells out the door and waves at the rest of the girls all loitering by their cars, obviously waiting for one final goodbye. They all wave before piling into their cars.

Beca closes and locks the door behind her before taking in a deep breath and letting it out in one long sigh. She looks around the now empty house with a feeling of sadness taking over her. _This_ was the worst part of when she held events at the house. The emptiness that follows was almost overwhelming to say the least. She walked around shutting off the lights on her way up to their bedrooms.

By the time Beca got Reilly out of her birthday clothes she was practically ready to fall asleep right there on the changing table. She quickly got the toddler into a new diaper and her onesie before walking around the room to sing to her while rocking her in her arms.

“You think I’d leave your side baby. You know me better than that,” Beca began to sing quietly. “You think I’d leave you down when you’re down on your knees. I wouldn’t do that.”

 

_I’ll tell you you’re right when you’re wrong_

_And if only you could see into me_

_Oh when you’re cold_

_I’ll be there_

_Hold you tight to me_

_When you’re on the outside baby_

_And you can’t get in_

_I will show you_

_You’re so much better than you know_

 

Beca pauses halfway into the song to put Reilly down into her crib. As she tucks her in and brushes her beautiful red hair off her face she whispers, “Goodnight baby girl. Happy first birthday.”

She closes the door gently behind her and almost immediately continues singing the song that she started as she makes her way into her room to change for bed.

 

_When you’re lost and you’re alone_

_And you can’t get back again_

_I will find you_

_Darling and I will bring you home_

_And if you want to cry_

_I am here to dry your eyes_

_And in no time, you’ll be fine_

 

When Beca changes into her pajamas she wastes absolutely no time to turn her light off and crawl right under her covers to curl up beneath them. She could feel the tears start to well in her eyes as she settled into the mattress. It’s hard to think that Reilly is a whole year old today. It’s even harder to believe that it’s been a whole year since she lost her best friend.The one person that she never got to tell how she really felt about her. The one person who she could never forget. The one person she hopes will come back some day.

 

_Oh when you’re cold, I’ll be there_

_Hold you tight to me_

_Oh when you’re low, I’ll be there_

_By your side baby_

_Oh when you’re cold, I’ll be there_

_Hold you tight to me_

_Oh when you’re low, I’ll be there_

_By your side baby_


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst part about this whole situation, Beca thinks, is that she doesn’t really know what happened. Beca never thought that someone could break her in half quite like she did that day.

The worst part about this whole situation, Beca thinks, is that she doesn’t really know what happened. Beca never thought that someone could break her in half quite like she did that day. In fact, Beca did everything in her power not to let people get close enough to actually hurt her and somehow this girl made her way through a small crack in the walls Beca spent years building up around her. Somehow this bubbly redhead managed to make her way into Beca’s life, subtly invading every aspect of it before the other girl even knew it was happening. The things she told her were things she swore she would never tell and has never told since then. She doesn’t quite get how Chloe made her way into her life but she does know that she abandoned her making the younger girl’s worst fear come true. She doesn’t even know what exactly happened and that’s the worst part of it all. 

Things were good. Like, really good. For once Beca Mitchell could actually look herself in the mirror and say ‘I’m content with my life. This is a good life so far.’ She was looking on the brighter side of things for the first time since she lost that innocent side that all kids have for some period of time. She missed the days where she could just throw herself out of bed with a smile and go about her life like everything was perfect. Things can’t be like that forever and she knows this but that doesn’t mean she has to be miserable for the rest of her life. She knows this now. Beca knows that everyone deserves to be content with their life and she was finally allowing herself to do that. 

Chloe was a massive part of this. She was the first person to make her way through Beca’s walls. The first one to really show Beca that she was worthy. The first one to manage to sneak her way into Beca’s life, making her what the younger girl thought was a permanent fixture to her life. She should have known better. She tells herself that everyday and yet some part of her still holds on to some small bit of hope. Some small bit of hope that she knows the redhead somehow convinced her to always hold onto. 

They keep telling her not to focus too much on that sliver of hope. The other Bellas always have Beca’s back but there comes a point where they can see how much it’s hurting her to hold on. Aubrey holds on too but she’s also aware of it’s harmful bite. She explained it once as being like a rose. The rose itself is the chance of the hope and beauty being returned to their lives but if you’re not careful the thorns just may prick your finger. And the fact of the matter is they all keep getting pricked by the thorns with little to no time for them to actually heal. The younger girl understands where Aubrey is coming from and she tries, she really does. But deep down she knows that things are different. Aubrey may have been her best friend for years but she’s not in love with her like Beca is. She’s not the one who was going to admit her feelings to the other girl the very day that they all hate to look back on. It’s like if she let’s go of that bit of hope she does have that she may never be the same again. Her fear of her life being forever altered becomes a very fast reality. If she holds on at least there’s hope. In a way that hope is what keeps her going. 

Beca never lets herself get down during the day and if she’s perfectly honest she doesn’t even have the time to be because she’s always caring for Reilly or working to support them both. It was so difficult in the very beginning that Aubrey had to take time off work to give the other girl a hand until she got the hang of things. After a month of Aubrey’s 24/7 help they shifted to a couple days a week and then from there Beca took over. Things got easier as time went by and she always had the nights when she was alone in her bedroom to break down. Only the walls of her room saw her tears and that’s just how she wanted it to be. Honestly if she didn’t have Reilly relying on her to get out of bed in the morning she doesn’t know if she could do it at all. She doesn’t have the time to be broken when she has Reilly to take care of that’s the simple truth behind it all. She goes on for two things: music and Reilly. 

 

\--

 

**Aubrey (8:57 am):** Don’t make me come over there and physically drag you to this meeting

**Aubrey (9:04 am):** I swear to god, Mitchell. Do not be late for this.

 

If there’s one thing Beca still hasn’t quite got the hang of it was being on time. It was a well known fact that she was never one to be early to something important and much more true of her to be the person who shows up right at the last minute. She justifies this by saying that at least she’s not legitimately late. 

Today she has to admit that she’s running a little late for once. To be fair Reilly threw food at her which left a horrible red stain running down Beca’s nice white shirt so she simply had to change. Beca also hasn’t quite gotten the hang of buying ‘adult’ clothes as she calls them so it took her a few minutes of rummaging through her closet before she found another ‘adult’ shirt that wasn’t wrinkled. 

She threw it over her head before even checking to see if it would match her dress pants. As she quickly grabbed her bag and Reilly on the way out the door she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and all she can say is thank god the outfit matches. 

 

**Beca (9:10 am):** omw

**Aubrey (9:10 am):** You better be. Drive safe but not slow or you’ll be late.

 

Of course Aubrey would tell her two very conflicting statements. Although she does have to admit that safe but efficient is something that Beca is getting quite good at. So with Reilly safely strapped into her car seat she backs out of there short driveway and makes her way to the highway while nervously tapping away at her steering wheel. 

 

\--

 

“Finally,” Aubrey scoffs, pushing herself off her car to wave at the approaching familiar grey SUV. She gestures to the spot next to her with a look that clearly says ‘hurry up or you’re doing extra cardio.’ It’s funny that she has the same look on her face that she did not even six years ago when Beca first joined the Bellas.

“Sorry, Reilly spilled on my shirt and I had to change,” Beca explains as she jumps out of the driver’s side making her way to the back door. “Anyway, how’d I do on the time?”

“Not too bad actually,” Aubrey sighs waiting impatiently as Beca unbuckles the car seat. “We have 6 minutes until our meeting is supposed to start so as long as you don’t take too long with that we’ll be fine.” 

“You know if you’re gonna sass me, Posen, I could easily fire you,” Beca retorts finally picking up Reilly out of her seat. It’s really not her fault that baby seats are a royal pain in the ass. 

“Wouldn’t be much of a loss,” Aubrey deadpans. “It’s not exactly like you’re even paying me for this.” 

“That’s because you insisted not to,” Beca shoots back. Her statement is emphasized with the slam of the car door. She clicks the lock button and follows briskly behind Aubrey as she crosses the parking lot towards the doors. “You’d think in those heels you’d walk slower, not faster,” Beca calls after her. 

“Heels or not I maintain the same speedy pace.” 

“Whatever, Bree. I’m holding a baby I can’t keep up with that pace,” Beca says finally making it to the door that the blonde was holding open. 

“As if you could keep up with my pace without Reilly in your arms?” Aubrey teases, a knowing smile plastered on my face. “Maybe in your dreams.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Beca waves off the other girl with her free hand while following the blonde as she navigates them to where they need to be. 

They quickly fell silent as the nerves began to set in. Beca really was hoping that by the time this day came she wouldn’t be anxious but let’s be real that was a pipe dream from the very beginning. The older girl could tell the nerves were taking over so she made the move to check in with the secretary who very quickly directed them down the hall to another meeting room where they could wait.

“So, this is really happening,” Beca finally comments after making herself comfortable in one of the rolling chairs. 

Aubrey takes a seat beside her taking a glance over the room that could easily hold 10 people around this table. “Yes, it is. We’ve had this appointment for months, Beca.” 

“I know,” Beca starts with a sigh. “It’s one thing to be thinking about the idea of having to do this and a complete other idea when we’re actually sitting here basically ready to sign away.” 

“It has to be done,” Aubrey replies, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the other girl. 

“I know, I know. It’s just - I can’t believe it’s come to this,” Beca blurts out.

“Well, it has and --”

“Sorry to interrupt,” another woman says while closing the door behind her. “Which one of you is Beca Mitchell?”

“That’s me,” Beca chokes out. When the attorney leans forward to shake her hand she has to juggle Reilly into her other arm before taking the firm handshake. 

“Good to meet you. And you must be Aubrey Posen? And is this Reilly?,” she comments with a short glance at the blonde before turning to smile at the young girl in Beca’s arms. “She’s adorable. I’m Josephine Murphy, feel free to just call Jo or Josephine.”

“It’s great to meet you, Josephine,” Aubrey says as she shakes her hand. 

“Ditto,” Beca blurts out as the other woman takes a seat across from them, placing a folder of paperwork in front of her. “Or, um, nice to meet you. Sorry.”

“Don’t even worry about it, Ms. Mitchell. It’s definitely not the worst thing someone has blurted out in a meeting with me before,” Josephine chuckles. “Now, let’s get to business shall we?”

“Sure,” Beca nods. She watches as Josephine starts sorting out the papers and separating them into piles. 

“So I understand you’re here to apply for official guardianship of Reilly Carson Beale, is that correct?”

“Y-yes,” Beca replies awkwardly. It was weird that they couldn’t just sign what they needed and just move on. All of the questions was going to make her antsy all over again just like when they filled out the forms to make the appointment in the first place.

“Okay. I’m sorry about all the formalities I’m legally responsible for confirming the details you both have provided. From the paperwork that Ms. Posen has sent me she explains that you have been caring for Reilly for just over a year now, correct?” Josephine asks barely looking up from where she’s checking off on the pages before her.

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Okay, great. So, Ms. Mitchell, typically in cases of guardianship or adoption the parents must sign off to release their parental rights but this is an unusual case which means that we will have to go to probate court. As I’ve already explained to Ms. Posen over the phone this is because the judge must decide what will be in the best interest of the child in question,” Josephine explains now looking at Beca to see if she is following. “However, I must ask again if anyone has had any contact with the mother or if you have a known address?”

“No, no one’s had contact. We have no idea where she is,” Aubrey jumps in. 

“Okay. As I understand the father is listed as ‘unknown’ on the birth certificate and since no one has a known address for the mother and neither can be contacted about your guardianship it must be published in a local newspaper,” Josephine continues. “This is a measure that would equal parental notification of a transfer of care.”

“Oh okay,” Beca whispers as she looks anywhere but at Josephine or Aubrey. “I didn’t know about that.” 

“Yes, unfortunately it’s mandatory in a case like this. I wouldn’t worry though. Hardly anyone reads the newspaper these days,” Josephine says with a slight laugh. “Now, Ms. Mitchell, may I ask why you’re not trying to adopt Reilly instead of just take over as a legal guardian?” 

“I, um, I don’t know,” Beca chokes out as she plays with Reilly's hair gently. “I don’t think that I could do that to Chloe. Like, terminate her parental rights and all that? I just don’t think I could do that.” 

“I understand,” Josephine replies calmly. “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

“No worries.” 

“Alright, so I’m going to quickly go over the process with you. Now that we can officially submit this to the courts they will likely order a home inspection and do a criminal background check on you,” she continues looking back over her notes. “You likely will not be warned beforehand about the inspection so make sure wherever you reside with Reilly is neat and in order. Shortly after that they will make a court date where they will declare what’s in the best interest of the child. From there you will sign an oath saying that you accept the responsibilities of being Reilly’s guardian.”

“And that’s it?” Beca questions. 

“That’s it,” Josephine chirps. “Not too bad, right?”

“I guess not,” Beca mumbles in response. 

“Okay. So, that’s it then?” Aubrey jumps in. 

‘Yeah, that’s it,” Josephine confirms as she takes a stand to shake both of the girl’s hands again. “It was nice meeting the little one too. She’s absolutely adorable and honestly she looks so much like you.”

“Like me?” Beca questions looking between her and her daughter. 

“Definitely. I have to admit I was a little confused when I first came in,” Josephine chuckles lightly. Almost as if she can sense the awkwardness that she started she continued speaking. “Reilly’s definitely lucky to have you.”

“Thank you,” Beca says with a small smile on her face. “So, I guess we’ll see you on the court date then?”

“You might, yes. Unless I get whisked away on more important matters,” Josephine replies leading them out of the meeting room. “Again it was great to meet the three of you.”

“It was nice to meet you, too,” Aubrey says taking over. She sees the younger girl bouncing on the balls of her feet next to her, clearly ready to get out of there. “And thank you for your help in making sure this all goes smoothly. Have a nice day!”

“Of course that’s my job. And you too dears. Take care,” Josephine replies shortly before turning in the other direction.

Before Aubrey can even say anything Beca’s bolting for the main lobby so she simply follows behind her. She knew before the day even began that this wasn’t going to be easy on her and the fact that they had to go over the whole situation, even in the simplest of terms, probably didn’t help any. After all the first time they actually sat down to fill out the petition it turned into a whole 3 hour ordeal. 

“So, should I come over?” Aubrey asks as Beca’s hurriedly putting the young redhead into her carseat again. “If you don’t answer I’m going to take it as a yes.” 

“Fine,” Beca grumbles the last buckle finally clicking into place. 

“Fine as in yes or fine as in sass?”

“Whichever, dude.”

“Okay. So I guess I’ll meet you at your house then,” Aubrey decides before turning towards her car. 

Before she’s even unlocked her own she can hear Beca slam the door of her car and start the engine. She rolled her eyes dramatically as she collapses into her own car.  _ Typical _ , she thinks.

 

\--

 

When Beca pulls into her driveway she’s so blinded by her emotions that everything becomes a blur. She barely registers parking the car or taking Reilly out of her car seat. And she definitely doesn’t notice that her mailbox is full on her way through the front door. 

The first thing she does notice is when she’s mincing chicken nuggets into tiny pieces that are even  _ too _ small for a one year old. The next thing she notices is Aubrey stomping through the door mumbling something about not even having the mind to check her damn mail and smacking it onto the table dramatically. Beca shoots her a look but the minute she sees Aubrey’s face she stops. 

It seems like everything has stopped. The older girl is standing in the middle of the kitchen, white as a ghost, mouth agape, staring at the table with such intensity you’d think she was trying to set it on fire. Beca doesn’t even know what to do because she’s never seen Aubrey like this and she most certainly doesn’t know what in her mail could possibly trigger this kind of reaction. 

“Beca,” Aubrey finally mumbles seemingly without moving. “Tell me my mind is playing tricks on me.”

“Posen, what the fuck are you talking about?” Beca asks incredulously as she finally crosses the kitchen before stopping dead in her tracks. “No.”

“So it’s not just me?” Aubrey questions finally facing the other girl. Now it’s Beca’s turn to be ghost white and stare with her mouth half open. “Beca? Hello, earth to Beca?” 

“This can’t be real,” she says finally as she reaches for the letter but hesitating just before touching it as if it would disappear the second her fingers made contact with it. 

“I think it’s pretty real,” Aubrey says matter of factly. “Are you going to read it?”

“Obviously but like what the fuck.”

“Watch the language,” Aubrey scolds pointing towards Reilly who is obliviously eating her lunch with no care in the world. 

Finally Beca picks up the light green envelope making sure to hold it close enough so that they could both scrutinize the handwriting. It doesn’t even take a whole 5 seconds before they both nod in confirmation and say, “It’s her.”

They look over the perfected blue cursive that address the card to “Reilly Carson Beale (& Becs)” before listing their address. Neither of them are even surprised that she left out the return address because obviously that would just make too much sense. 

“Are you going to open it or what?” 

Beca shoots Aubrey another glare but flips the card over to slip her finger under the adhesive and gently unattaching them. She takes a deep breath before pulling the card out and looking over the illustration on the front. It doesn’t take her long to open the card and glaze over it to notice that there are three separate chunks of writing. One specifically for Reilly, another for Beca, and the last as a sign off. The younger girl looks towards Aubrey but she only nudges her attention back to the card so they can both read it. 

  
  


_ Dearest Reilly,  _

_ You’re a whole one year old today and I’m sorry that I can’t be there for you. I just want you to know how much I love you and that there isn’t a single minute that goes by where I’m not thinking about you. Please know that Mommy loves you very much. Happy birthday my sweet girl.  _

 

_ Becs,  _

_ I’m so sorry. You’re probably rolling your eyes right now but please try to understand. I knew that Reilly would be much better off with you. And I’m sorry that it’s been so long I’m trying to be better, to get better. It takes time and I’ve been learning that every day since I’ve been gone. I’m so sorry that things happened how they did. I just didn’t know what to do. Please know that I’m trying, I really am.  _

 

_ Reilly, Mommy loves you so much and I hope you enjoyed your birthday and are the happiest little one around. Beca, thank you for everything you do for her. Keep holding onto hope.  _

_ Love, Mommy C.  _

  
  


“Wow,” Aubrey whispers her eyes still pouring over the card. 

“Yep.”

“Just ‘yep’?” Aubrey snaps. 

“Yep,” Beca repeats, this time a smug grin on her face. “Not even an indication if she’s coming back or where she is. What the hell.”

“Right,” Aubrey agrees snatching the card away from the younger girl and looking over the whole thing as if it had some kind of hidden code. “This is bullshit even from her.”

“Yep,” Beca repeats again. “Sorry, I just, that’s a lot to take in.”

“Especially after all this time,” Aubrey says finally putting the card back onto the table with all the rest of the mail. “How does she even know where you live?”

“That’s actually a really good question,” Beca mumbles thinking over the possible ways in which she could have found their address. They only just moved into this small house a few months ago and only the Bellas, her family, and Chloe’s parents knew where they lived. She doesn’t think any of them would have talked to Chloe and not mentioned it to her but it might be worth checking in with them anyway. 

“You’re not thinking what I think you are,” Aubrey scolds, a stern look on her face. “I think that if anyone heard from Chloe you would be the first to know.”

“I don’t know. It might be worth asking anyway,” Beca explains as she collapses into a chair in front of Reilly’s highchair. “They’re supposed to come over this week to have a little celebration with Reilly anyway.”

“Oh, Beca,” Aubrey chastises. “Just don’t go, like, outright accusing them. And if you tell them you’re going to have to show them the card too.”

“I know,” Beca nods looking back to the card on the table. “They deserve to know anyway. At least we know she’s alive, you know?”

“I do. It’s a little relieving to know that much but at the same time there’s still so many other questions,” Aubrey rambles throwing her arms in the air dramatically as she begins to list them off. “Like why exactly did she leave? Why did she leave Reilly at only two days old? Where is she? How has she been living and surviving? What has she been doing all this time?”

“You know why she left,” Beca comments, her voice dull.

“But not really,” Aubrey claims turning towards Beca. “That letter she left a year ago was vague and you know it.”

“I guess,” Beca mumbles before giving Reilly her sippy cup. 

“Honestly, Beca, you’re acting as if you know something more than I do,” Aubrey notes as she watches the look on Beca’s face for any kind of a tell. Typically the younger girl was very easy to figure out and Aubrey usually could tell when she was lying.

“I don’t,” is all Beca can manage before her phone goes off on the kitchen counter. She gets up to get it while Aubrey continues to observe her every move. “Hello?” 

“We got a letter,” a voice rushes out before a greeting. “D-did you get one too?” 

“Yeah,” Beca confesses taking her seat yet again. 

“Okay. Do you want us to come over today instead of tomorrow? We can compare letters?” Carolyn questions but by her tone Beca already knows the older Beale is in the car and already on the way to her house. 

“Yeah, sure. I assume you’ll be here in less than 5 minutes then?”

“You know me too well,” Carolyn laughs. “More like less than a minute. I’m pulling on your block now.”

“Of course,” Beca chuckles as she hangs up the phone and makes her move towards the door. She chances a look at Aubrey who suddenly looks hopeful and worried all at once. 

“What if I got a letter too?” 

“Um, you should go check?” Beca suggests with a shrug. “You can always quickly read Mrs. Beale’s letter and then go check your mail and come back again.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea,” Aubrey agrees as she collects her keys from the table. “I’ll go there first and then track back. Give you guys some time alone. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Okay, Posen. Whatever you say.”

Before Aubrey even makes it out the door Mrs. Beale is waltzing up the front step with an envelope clutched in her hand.

“Aubrey dear, how are you?” she asks when they meet at the door.

“I’m alright,” Aubrey says stepping outside. “I’m going back to my place for a little bit but I’ll be back soon.”

“Checking to see if you got one too?” 

“Yeah,” the blonde confesses, halfway to her car at this point. 

“Good luck, sweetie. And you better drive safe,” she shouts after Aubrey who smiles in return. “So, Beca, let’s swap these and read. Maybe we can piece something together.” 

 

\--

 

What started out as a really good idea very quickly just became wishful thinking. There was no return address on either envelope, no mentions of where Chloe was or what she was doing aside from the mentions of trying to get better, and there was also no mention of if she was coming back. Carolyn was convinced that she would come back when she got everything pieced together again but Beca was hesitant. Neither of her letters really gave much of anything away. They didn’t clear up their original concerns and quite frankly left them with even more questions than answers. In fact, the only thing the letters did clear up was the fact that Chloe was alive and not lying in a ditch somewhere. Well, that was morbid. 

“Have you heard from Aubrey yet?” Carolyn asks when she realizes that the other girl has been gone for a half an hour at this point. 

“Um, let me check,” Beca replies pulling her phone from her pocket to check her messages. “She might just be waiting until it’s closer to the end of Reilly’s naptime so she doesn’t risk disturbing her sleep. I’ll send her a text just in case.” 

“That’s probably a good idea,” Carolyn nods in agreement. 

“Okay that was a fast reply even for her,” Beca mumbles as she looks at her phone to read the message. “Alright so she’s walking her dog and then checking the mail before coming back over.” 

“Well, that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Oh, Carolyn, how do you think Chloe got our address? I mean, considering we just moved here a little while back, no one really knows where we live aside from you guys and the Bellas,” Beca asks suddenly remembering the one detail that she was truly confused about. 

“I don’t know, actually. Chloe’s a resourceful girl though, she always has been,” she explains as she ponders over the possibilities. “Neither of us have had any contact until this letter and I can’t imagine any of the Bellas telling her and not talking to you about it. And the white pages are way out of date at this point so that isn’t an option, either. Honestly, Beca, I have no idea.”

“That’s what we’re confused about too,” Beca mentions readjusting herself on the couch to look at the older woman. “That’s the thing that doesn’t make any sense to me. She doesn’t have any easy way to find us. It makes sense for you to get a letter at your place since it’s the same house Chloe grew up in but I can’t figure out how she found this address.” 

“Like I said she is a resourceful girl. Maybe she dug online or something? I can’t imagine in this day and age that there isn’t some way of trying to find an address online with very basic information,” Carolyn explains with the toss of her hands to emphasize her comment on the internet. 

“I guess so,” Beca mumbles in agreeance. She supposes that does make some sense. “I guess I’m just going to have to accept that.”

“Do you want me to make an early dinner while you look over these?” Carolyn offers, clearly seeing the look in Beca’s eyes, the determination to find the redhead was practically glistening in her deep blue eyes. 

“If you would like to,” Beca nods not quite wanting to admit that she wants to sit there and read them over and over again until she hopefully figures it out. Carolyn pats her leg gently in attempts to reassure the younger girl on her way towards the kitchen. 

 

\--

 

The buzz of Beca’s phone shakes her out of her reverie 20 minutes later not to mention the smell of the wonderful food that the older Beale was making in the kitchen. Anytime Carolyn came to make dinner was one of Beca’s favorite times. Partially because in a way it brought her closer to Chloe and partially because Carolyn’s food was all around amazing. Seriously she would eat leftovers for days afterward.

When she finally looks at her phone her eyebrows instantly crinkle up in confusion. She just stares at the unknown number for a minute completely befuddled by it. 

 

**207-313-9052 (2:03 pm):** safe  & sound

  
Suddenly Beca was filled with a rush that made her heart beat faster, the hairs on her arms to stand at attention, and her mind immediately starts jumping to a million different conclusions. She knew that area code and she knew it well. Portland. Portland, Maine. It couldn’t possibly be. This couldn’t be happening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidebar: So I’m no master when it comes to the legal stuff I did my best research but things may not quite be accurate so I apologize for that. I also just wanted to clarify the difference between guardianship and adoption. A guardianship means that one will be responsible for the child’s care, welfare, education, health, etc. but it does not sever/terminate the legal relationship with the birth mother. Adoption, however, would terminate the legal relationship with the birth mother. 
> 
>  
> 
> You hanging in there? 
> 
> I have a Bechloe related playlist on spotify called “Flow Trilogy” if you search for it...it should come up. It’s about 8 hours worth of all the feels, it’s what I write to if you wanna take a listen. 
> 
> Also I just wanted to mention that I know my writing was totally not up to par for the first chapter and a half but I think I’m finally getting back into the swing of things. PS. you can totally tell when I finally got back into it


	3. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s like right when you think you’re finally getting over something everything just comes flooding back in again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bumped up the rating to Mature, just in case, for future content of the story

“So, what’s your favorite place in the whole world? Somewhere that just feels right?” 

“You and your tough questions, Beale. I don’t know why we became friends,” Beca teases. The other girl hits her gently on the arm before she continues speaking. “Okay, okay. I’ll humor you. I’d probably say Portland.”

“Portland, Oregon?”

“No, Maine, you idiot,” Beca laughs, when she sees Chloe’s face recoiling at the insult she starts to feel bad even if it was meant as a joke. “I’m sorry you know I don’t mean that.” 

“What’s so special about Portland?”

“Well,” Beca starts, chewing on her lip in contemplation. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Chloe interrupts clearly catching up to the other girl’s discomfort. 

“No, it’s fine. I’m sure you’d get it out of me at some point so why not now.”

“What makes you say that?” she asks cutting off Beca’s thought process again. 

“Well, throwback to two years ago when you barged into my shower refusing to leave until I sang with you,” Beca responds with a smirk on her face. She knows she’s got her on this one. 

“Okay. True. Continue with the story,” Chloe mumbled in defeat. 

“By now I’ve told you how I was that angst ridden child. Still am in some way. Anyway I was 14 the first time that I properly ran away from home because I didn’t like how things were going. I took the first bus out to Portland, spent the entire day walking around and only when it started to get dark did I think maybe I should leave. Something was pulling me towards staying but I knew that I shouldn’t. I knew someday soon I’d be back,” Beca explains, a smile plastered on her face. “At 16 I ran away for a week. I saved up enough money to be able to manage keeping myself safe and dry in Portland for the entire week. It was like a dream come true. I never wanted to go home. Portland felt like home.” 

“Aw, Becs.”

“I got my first tattoo there, too. I faked a parental consent form, found a shop willing to take it, and got my first tattoo. That’s where I got my next two tattoos between my 16th birthday and coming here. Portland is my happy place. It’s a place that, in a way, will always feel like home to me. Going there will always make me feel whole in a way I don’t think anything else can,” Beca continues despite the fact that her last sentence is a bit of a lie. Then again she said anything not anyone. There’s only one thing that makes her feel anything close to how Portland makes her feel. 

“Wow, Beca, I didn’t realize you had feelings,” Chloe teases.   
“Shut it, Beale,” Beca shoots back, nudging the other girl with her shoulder. 

“I hope you find something else that makes you feel that way,” Chloe whispers. “Someone else that makes you feel that way.”

“Huh?”

“I think everyone deserves that, don’t you? Someplace or someone that makes them feel like nothing else does?” Chloe questions looking down into Beca’s eyes. The glisten of her dark brown eyes reminds her of the ocean. It takes everything in her to turn away, to not let herself drown in them. 

“Yeah,” Beca quietly agrees turning away from the other girl abruptly. “I think you’d like Portland.”

“Yeah, I do too.”

  
  


_ I dropped my heart into the sea _

_ Hoping I could be a little more free _

_ Maybe we could find peace _

_ Make a home within the ocean beneath _

 

_ But these pieces just won't float away _

_ They remind me of our secret place _

_ No these pieces just won't float away _

 

\--

 

“Do you have any pictures?” Chloe questions waltzing into the younger girl’s room without notice. 

“Um, hello to you too,” Beca replies sarcastically. “Pictures of what?”

“Of Portland,” Chloe says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Let’s be real the amount of times Chloe says things that are supposedly  _ obvious _ or easily determined is far too much for Beca, or anyone, to keep track of. Honestly, you’d think that at this point she’d be able to track the redhead’s thought process to some degree. Then again they haven’t spoken about Portland since Beca told the older girl about it over six months ago. 

“Yeah I have some on my phone and a folder on my laptop,” Beca deadpans barely looking up from where she’s scribbling in a notebook. When she hears shuffling around on her bed she glances over to see Chloe moving her stuff to make herself a free space on the bed to get comfortable with Beca’s laptop in front of her. “Good luck guessing my password.”

“You’re easy, Becs,” Chloe giggles, typing away at the keyboard. She hits ‘enter’ dramatically while making direct eye contact with the younger girl. She winks as she shows her the unlocked desktop wasting no time to start searching for the aforementioned folder. 

“I don’t know how you know my password but I will change it,” Beca threatens turning back to her notebook. “Don’t go, like, searching around in anything other than that folder by the way.”

“What? Hiding something from me?” Chloe chirps with the swing of her legs. 

If it already weren’t distracting enough to have Chloe present in the room she just had to be doing that. In reality Beca was definitely hiding a lot of things from Chloe like the fact that she still has a shirt from high school with one of those annoying school logos on it or that she’s writing in a journal not some homework assignment or, you know, that folder dedicated to the mashups and songs that remind her of the redhead. Yeah, that was probably at the top of her list of things she was hiding. 

“Nope, how could I ever manage that?” 

“True,” Chloe quips as she begins clicking through a bunch of photos. 

They quickly fade into silence aside from the redheads occasional “oohs” and “ahs” and “what’s this place”. But the silence is easy between them, it always has been. That’s one of the things that Beca likes the most about their relationship, well friendship, they could always just hang around in silence and it wouldn’t even be the slightest bit awkward. It was great really how their dynamics just clicked sometimes. 

  
  


_ And if you love her you let her go _

_ If you love her you let her know _

_ If you love her you let it show _

 

_ And If you love her you let her go _

_ If you love her you let her know _

_ And if you love her you let it show _

 

_ And if you love her you let her know _

_ And if you love her you let her know _

_ And if you love her you let it show _

 

\--

 

**Chloe (1:13 am):** Would you ever go back?

**Beca (1:17 am):** ???

**Chloe (1:20 am):** Portland. Duh.

**Beca (1:24 am):** where do you think i’ve been going on spring break? portland, oregon?

**Chloe (1:25 am):** You never told me you went to Portland for spring break?

**Chloe (1:25 am)** : I didn’t know you went...without me…

**Beca (1:27 am):** I didn’t think of it that way 

 

She’s lying. Beca knows she’s lying right through her teeth but how could she tell Chloe the truth? How could she admit that, yes, she intentionally didn’t tell Chloe she was going to Portland. And, yes, she went without her. And, yes, she did think of it that way. She thought of asking Chloe to come with her but that idea was quickly disregarded. If she’s being honest with herself she was afraid what bringing those two things together would be like. Something in her mind told her that Chloe and Portland was a combination bound to get them into who only knows what. Honestly, she won’t even let herself think of it. She can’t let herself think of it. She won’t even let herself have that. 

 

_ But these pieces just won’t float away _

_ They remind me of our secret place _

_ As I looked out I can see her face _

_ No these pieces just won’t float away  _

_ If you love her you let her go _

_ If you love her you let her know _

_ If you love her you let it show  _

 

\--

 

“I got a letter,” Aubrey announces abruptly shaking Beca from her reverie. She slaps the card on the table in front of the younger girl with a huff before throwing herself back onto the couch.

“And?”

“Dear Bree, I’m sorry things went down like this. I’m sorry I never tried talking to you about what was going on but you seemed so happy with the way your life was going and I didn’t want to bring you down. Please try to understand. I love and miss you so much. Love, Chloe,” Aubrey rattles out a visible pout on her face. 

“Wow, you memorized it,” Beca comments taking a glance at the card herself.

“Of course I did,” Aubrey snaps. “It’s the first time I’ve heard from my best friend in just over a year. Obviously I’m going to memorize it.” 

“Sorry,” Beca mumbles blatantly aware that her comment easily could come off the wrong way. “I understand, dude. I basically have them memorized too.”

“Yeah. I just don’t get it,” Aubrey shouts running her hand through her hair roughly. “I still don’t know why she left or what led to that decision in the first place. I know vague things but not the whole story. And I don’t get how she could say that she loves and misses everyone but not even say if she’s coming back or what her plan is or anything.” 

“I know,” Beca agrees with the nod of her head. “Trust me, I’m a little pissed at the moment myself. And confused. Not to mention frustrated, disheartened, befuddled, and heartbroken.”

“Lots of feelings there, Mitchell,” Aubrey quips with a smirk. 

“Shut it, Posen,” Beca starts, finally pushing herself off the couch. “I’m getting Reilly. If you want to make yourself useful, which I’m sure you do, Carolyn is in the kitchen preparing dinner.”

“You know me too well,” Aubrey laughs as she gets up from the couch as well to make her way to help Carolyn. If there’s one thing that Aubrey enjoys the most it’s doing anything that requires some kind of structure. Cooking and setting up for dinner is just the kind of thing she needed to keep her mind off her best friend and the confusing mess she left behind. 

 

\--

 

Dinner goes by fairly easily. The three girls take turns talking about their weeks and occasionally asking about their theories on Chloe with the occasional addition of Reilly’s babbling. The redheaded toddler manages to keep the conversation pretty light and if it even seemed to go somewhere that might cause emotions to stir she somehow seemed to pick up on it and change the pace. This either involved her throwing food and giggling as a result or cheerily babbling until she caught the other girl’s attention. 

Beca was grateful for her presence because without it she might wind up drowning her thoughts and she knows that’s the last place she wants to be right now. Especially with Carolyn and Aubrey around, both of whom would happily call her out on her distraction and somehow convince her to talk about what’s on her mind. That was definitely not something that Beca wanted to do right now. In fact you could say that she’s avoiding that possibility at all costs. 

“Thanks so much again for dinner, Carolyn,” Beca says as she takes over dish duty. 

“I can do the dishes, dear,” Carolyn tries to offer with a smile. 

“You did all that wonderful cooking so I’m going to do the dishes,” Beca insists with a smile on her face. This was a fairly regular occurrence anytime Carolyn came over to have meals with them. It’s just funny how no matter how many times Beca does the dishes the older woman continues to try to take over. “If you want you could give Reilly a quick bath and put her in her PJs?”

“I would love to,” Carolyn chimed before practically skipping into the other room where Aubrey was playing with Reilly. 

Beca chuckles to herself as she continues cleaning the dishes off. She finds it entertaining to see just how much Carolyn and Chloe have in common like how they both skip off when they’re excited to do something. Beca has also noticed that they have very similar facial expressions when they’re happy or upset but trying to hide it. Before meeting Carolyn she never thought that she would ever meet another person as bubbly as Chloe. Obviously she was proven very, very wrong when she finally met the older Beale at their graduation almost two years ago. It’s crazy to think of how fast the past two years have gone by. It certainly hasn’t been what she expected or planned for but it has been fast paced and rewarding. When it comes down to it she really wouldn’t change most of it. She might change one little thing but that one little thing is completely out of her control. 

 

\--

 

_ I dread that feeling of, oh, so low _

_ So empty, broken, I'm never home _

_ To keep us smiling, or keep us safe _

_ Let's not go back to that horrid place where _

_ I would cry and you would too _

_ Neither one of us would know what to do _

 

“Beca I’m pregnant,” Chloe admits, shuffling back and forth on her feet, refusing to look up at the other girl who’s already pacing back and forth her room trying to pack. When she hears her words she stops so suddenly she nearly falls over.

“You’re what?” 

“Pregnant,” Chloe whispers now, her tears already forming in her eyes.   
“With - you know?” Beca asks entirely unsure of her own words.

“Y-yeah,” Chloe chokes out, tears starting to stream down her face. 

“Oh, Beale. You know how I am when you cry,” Beca mumbles awkwardly making her way to the redhead. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

“N-no,” she mumbles once she’s pulled Beca into a hug, practically latching onto her at this point. “I don’t know if I can do this but I don’t know if I can go through with an abortion either.”

“Okay. You don’t have to decide now, Chlo. You can wait until after graduation to decide,” Beca says as she rubs circles on the older girl’s back in attempts to reassure her. “You’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m telling you that you will be okay.  _ We _ will be okay. We’ll get through this and you know that I’m going to be your friend no matter what happens or what you decide,” Beca comforts. She starts to sway back and forth in a motion that usually calms her down so maybe it could work for the other girl too. 

“Okay,” Chloe sniffles in reply burying herself further into Beca’s embrace. 

 

_ So just stay right here safe and sound _

_ So just stay right here safe and sound _

 

\--

 

Chloe hasn’t brought up  _ that _ night since it happened nearly 3 weeks ago. Graduation was last week and now most of the Bellas have packed up their stuff to move to their respective places. Some of the Bellas are moving back home for an indeterminable amount of time while others are headed to move into their new apartments. Chloe’s been thinking of moving in with her mom for a little while until she figures things out. Beca, as much as she hates the idea, is moving into her dad’s spare room until she can find an apartment and a roommate. Honestly Chloe isn’t sure why they didn’t just go apartment hunting together but maybe that’s still a possibility. 

It’s saddening to see all of the rooms slowly empty out as each of the Bellas moves on to their new lives. Okay, not new, but like their post graduation lives. The redhead is really trying to view it differently now that she’s finally graduated and ready to start her post graduation life. Though at the moment it seems like her path is fairly unclear. The only thing she does know is that she urgently needs a job and a secure place to live that preferably isn’t a bedroom in her childhood home. The more she thinks about it the more she thinks that maybe she should ask Beca to live with her. 

 

\--

 

“So, Becs, now that it’s finally our time to pack up the truck maybe I could steal you for a few days?” Chloe asks a cheerful smile spreading across her face. 

“That sounds awfully ambiguous and only mildly like kidnapping,” Beca laughs, following the redhead out of the house both with boxes in their arms. “What for?”

“I was thinking you could postpone moving into your dad’s for a few days since I know you’re  _ super _ excited for that. Instead you could come to my house for a bit?” Chloe questions her tone hopeful and her eyes dazzling as she looks at the younger girl thinking it over. 

“I guess I could do that,” Beca taunts a smirk forming on her face. 

“You know you’d love it,” Chloe adds with a skip to her step as they head back inside again to get more boxes. “Hell, you might even love it so much you want to move in with me.”

“As appealing as that sounds, Beale, I don’t think your mom would appreciate that one,” Beca replies with a chuckle. The conversation takes an abrupt pause as the two girls disappear into different rooms to get their next set of boxes to take outside. 

“Not what I meant,” Chloe continues once they’re both in sight of each other again. “I meant, like, it could be a trial run for when we get an apartment.”

“When did I agree to that?”

“Just now,” Chloe decides confidently nodding. 

“Hmm, we’ll see how the next couple of days goes,” Beca mumbles tossing another box into the bed of the truck Chloe borrowed from her cousin. 

“So, wait. You’re willing to be roommates with me in an apartment?” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself now,” Beca starts. “I said we’ll see how it goes.”

“Yay,” Chloe cheers, jumping up and down in her place before enveloping the younger girl in a bone crushing hug. “This is going to be aca-mazing.” 

“If we’re going to be living together you better chill with the aca- abbreviations,” Beca half heartedly threatens but the smile on her face deceives her.

“No way!” Chloe chirps standing her ground. “I know you secretly love it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the younger girl waves her. “Let’s finish all this packing. I’m ready to get some of Mrs. Beale’s famous cooking you always talk about.”

“Oh my god, you’re going to love it!” Chloe cheers again, looping her arms with the other girl and leading her back inside while rambling on about her mom’s food. 

 

\--

 

“Hey, um, Chloe?” Beca whispers turning towards the redhead hoping that she’s still awake. 

“Yeah?” 

“Did you, um, want to talk about that thing?” Beca questions hesitantly. “If you don’t want to talk about it now I totally understand. I just wanted to check in because I know, like, there’s a bit of a time sensitive matter here.”

“I-it’s okay,” Chloe mumbles. “Now’s as good of a time as we’re gonna get.” 

“Okay. So, like, have you made a decision?” Beca asks carefully. 

“I think so,” Chloe replies, taking in a deep breath. “I think I’m going to keep it.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. As much as the situation isn’t ideal I think I can handle it,” Chloe continues as her gaze drifts off the ceiling where she tacked on glowing stars so many years ago. “And, you know, if I can’t I know I have my mom and you, right?”

“Of course, Chlo,” Beca answers quickly, noticing the tears streaming down the other girl’s face. 

“You’re not going to leave me because I’ve become such a burden these past few months? Because, like, I guess I would understand that. It’s just that you’re one of my closest friends and that’s why I feel like you’re the one I come to about all of the shit that’s been happening and,” Chloe chokes out, emotions pouring over her now. 

“Oh, Chloe, I would never. You’re not a burden, not even in the slightest. These are the things that you’re supposed to talk about with your closest friends or whoever you’re most comfortable with. I’m sorry about everything that has happened but that does not make you a burden,” Beca whispers soothingly while trying to get the redhead to look at her. When she finally does she continues. “I’m always going to be there for you. Whatever you decide I will be there for you and your baby, for that matter.” 

“I’m having a baby,” Chloe sobs, throwing herself onto Beca’s shoulder. 

“You are,” Beca replies softly, stroking the older girl’s hair gently. “And you’re going to be a great mom, too. You have a wonderful support system and all of these friends and family that are going to be there for you.” 

“Thank you, Becs,” Chloe mumbles into her neck. “You mean so much to me. I don’t think I could ever put into words how much.”

“Now you’re going to make me cry,” Beca claims brushing away the tears that are building up in her eyes. 

“You don’t have anything to cry about,” Choe laughs darkly. “You’re not the one pregnant with-” 

“Don’t go there, Chloe,” Beca warns, a stern tone to her voice. “Don’t even think about it.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Chloe quickly apologizes after a brief pause. “You’re right it’s totally not something to joke about. I don’t really know how to talk about  _ that _ part of it.”

“I don’t either,” Beca sighs. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, I guess we will,” Chloe whispers, tightening her grip around Beca’s waist. 

Beca can still feel the tears on her shoulder soaking through her shirt but she really doesn’t mind that much. While she used to flinch at the close proximity they currently share it’s different with Chloe. It always has been and she’s finally becoming okay with that. 

“Goodnight, Chlo,” Beca mumbles softly before placing a gentle kiss on Chloe’s forehead.

“Goodnight, Becs.”

Beca swears that she can feel the other girl smiling into her neck. Just the thought of it being a possibility makes her smile and fill with warmth. A warmth that so easily carries her into a peaceful sleep for the first time in who even knows how long. 

 

_ If we'll hold tight for just one second more _

_ We can win this fight, we will beat this storm _

_ And everything we've ever had will make sense _

_ So hold my hand and love me true _

_ The games we play will make us confused but will _

_ Keep us safe and sound _

 

_ So just stay right here safe and sound _

_ So just stay right here safe and sound _

 

\--

 

“Mitchell!”

“Yeah, what?” Beca yells back trying to hide the fact that she’s flustered. 

“What the hell is taking you so long with those dishes?” Aubrey questions charging into the room. “Carolyn already gave her a bath, changed her and started reading her bedtime stories. We know you like to sing her to sleep.”

“Of course,” Beca agrees with a smile. 

“You okay?”

“Yep, I’m fine,” Beca responds quickly, turning on her heels in attempts to dodge the other girl. 

“That doesn’t fool me and you should know it,” Aubrey scolds with her arms crossed across her chest in a way that is all too familiar to the younger girl. “What’s on that brain of yours?”

“It’s just those letters,” Beca explains. And it’s partially true. Those letters are seriously messing her up and bringing all of those memories right back to the surface again. “It’s like right when you think you’re finally getting over something everything just comes flooding back in again.”

“Or better phrased as just when you think you’re finally getting over someone they come rushing back in again and you get flooded with the feelings all over again,” Aubrey corrects, a stern glare in place. 

“Whatever floats your boat, man,” Beca quips in response. 

“Don’t try to change the subject,” Aubrey interrupts, continuing to stand her ground. “You don’t have to hide it from me. I’ve known for years.”

“Hide what?”

“Oh my god, Beca. That toner you’ve had for literal years at this point. Trust me I saw it from miles away a long, long time ago,” Aubrey continues a smirk spreading across her face. “Although this past year I definitely did not foresee.”

“Yeah, neither did I,” Beca replies sarcastically. “Like, okay, I knew the kid was going to be here but I still thought  _ she _ would be here with us.”

“I know,” Aubrey whispers, placing a hand on Beca’s shoulder now. 

“You don’t though,” Beca snaps turning to face the opposite direction. She definitely wasn’t in the mood to be touched right now. “I was going to tell her that day and look where that got us?”

“Wait, sweetie, you can’t possibly think that she knew what you were planning to do and left because of that?” 

“No. But it still feels that way sometimes,” Beca whines. Instantly she’s hating what she’s admitted and the fact that she actually whined. Like who the hell is she becoming?

“I didn’t know that you were going to tell her that day and I’m sorry that things happened how they did. If it’s any consolation I don’t think it would have changed her mind,” Aubrey says softly. “That probably sounds bad but obviously she had some serious shit going on that she felt like the needed to leave in order to fix. I’m sure she knew how you felt, Beca. Maybe not the full picture of it but she knew.” 

“Yeah,” Beca nods simply. “She did have some serious shit going on. I can’t even imagine what it was like. It’s still hard, you know? I’m not comparing the two at all but like it’s hard for me, for all of us.” 

“It is,” Aubrey agrees her arms finally falling to their sides. “It’s a lose-lose situation.”

“No kidding,” Beca scoffs. “Thanks for listening, Bree.”

“Hey, that’s my duty as second best friend,” Aubrey chimes. “Now let’s give the little one her daily dose of singing before bed. And if you want to continue this conversation you know how to reach me.” 

\--

 

When everyone finally leaves after Reilly is asleep Beca finally has a moment to really think. Her mind immediately wanders to the text she received earlier that day. The text that she still hasn’t replied to. The text that she’s been staring at since she laid down in bed. The text that she feels compelled to answer. 

In a way she feels like she shouldn’t go back into old habits so easily. It’s like going back to making jokes with someone who just backstabbed you. But then again this was more important than a joke. It was their thing. Like how Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters had their ‘okay’ thing. It was like that but maybe a little more serious. A little more ‘I need this to know that everything will be okay in the end’ kind of thing.

It doesn’t take her long to make a decision. Maybe five minutes of staring at the text in complete disbelief before she finally types out a reply and hits send. After she does she stares for another minute before putting her phone on do not disturb, locking the screen and plugging it in for the night. When she turns over in bed and closes her eyes she can already feel the nightmare creeping up. She sighs to herself hoping that maybe for once she’ll be wrong and tries her hardest to focus on the text message she just sent instead. 

 

**Beca (10:03 pm):** you and I’ll be safe  & sound 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in this chapter: Ocean by Parisian & Safe and Sound by Christian Akridge


	4. Safe & Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just close your eyes, the sun is going down  
> You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now  
> Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm sorry for vanishing but finals are stressful af and then I got home to basically immediately jump into a full time job. But I'm here with this little update now! And hopefully my future updates won't be super incredibly spread out but it all depends on my work schedule / free time. Oh...and yeah I struggle to write for other things when I'm like hella deep in feelings of my own ha so that's also why it's taking so long
> 
> TW: I don't explicitly name anything or go into detail but there is insinuations of mental health & depression 
> 
> Flashback Chap.

Beca’s not really sure what woke her from her deep slumber whether it be the slam of the door downstairs or the sudden sounds of someone making their way up the stairs. Before she can even really process what she was hearing the door to her room was flying open only to be slammed shut by the teary eyed redhead who just made what could be the most dramatic entrance ever. Beca’s about to complain when she sees the look on the other girl’s face and immediately shuts up.

“Chlo?” Beca says cautiously, as if her words might just cause her to explode. Her assumption wasn’t too far off base because the second the words come out of her mouth Chloe bursts into tears, throwing herself on top of Beca on her bed. 

At first Beca doesn’t know what to do but eventually she wraps her arms around the other girl instinctively and just holds her while she cries whatever it is out of her system. It takes a good half hour of this before Chloe’s sobs finally turn down into sniffles every now and then. Beca remains quiet the entire time deciding that maybe she should wait for the redhead to initiate the conversation. 

“I can’t talk about it now,” Chloe finally whispered into Beca’s shoulder. “I can’t.”

“That’s okay, Chloe,” Beca mumbles, rubbing gently circles on her back. “I’m going to be here for you whether you want to talk about it or not. Whenever you decide you want to talk about it I’ll be there for you.”

“Okay. Just not tonight,” Chloe says, her voice gentle and barely audible. 

“Not tonight,” Beca agrees with a simple nod. “You going to sleep here?”   
“Yes please. I need to be with someone right now.”

“Okay, Chlo. Let’s get properly under the covers and then we can try to sleep, okay?”

Beca doesn’t receive an audible answer but instead a clumsy shuffling of the redhead as she tried to stay as attached to the younger girl as she could while she maneuvered herself under the covers with her. She chuckles as Chloe settles into her side, head cradled into the nook of her neck, an arm wrapped around her middle. 

“Don’t leave me okay,” she whispers finally when her breathing starts evening out. 

“I’d never leave you, Chloe. I will be here for you no matter what. You’ll be okay,” Beca replies as she plays with the other girl’s hair. “Just close your eyes. Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” the redhead mumbles into the other girl’s shoulder. Beca can feel the tears soaking her shirt again but they’re quickly followed by Chloe’s breathing deepening as she starts to fall asleep. 

 

\--

 

_ I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’ll never let you go _

_ When all those shadows almost killed your light _

_ I remember you said don’t leave me here alone _

_ But that’s dead and gone and passed tonight _

_ Just close your eyes, the sun is going down _

_ You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now _

_ Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound _

 

\--

 

If there’s one thing Beca has learned it’s to not pry into personal matters too much especially when someone as open as Chloe is refusing to say something. So...she simply doesn’t ask. She knows that when Chloe is ready to talk about it, she will. And if that day never comes, well, Beca’s not thinking about that possibility right now it’s more so a ‘I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it’ type of situation. 

 

\--

 

It takes two weeks before Chloe actually does any sort of explaining. It comes after countless nights of her crying into Beca’s shoulder at night begging the younger girl to never leave her side no matter what and asking her to make a whole slew of promises. It’s after many seemingly spontaneous ‘what if’ scenarios testing their friendship when she finally says something. It’s long after Chloe sleeping in the same bed as the younger girl is to be expected. Some nights she’s too upset to sleep alone, others it’s simply because sleeping alone seems so foreign to her. When that day finally comes, when Chloe lays out the horrible night she’d rather forget, everything starts to make sense. Beca tries so hard not to feel like a shitty person for not knowing sooner, as if that would have changed the way she acted. She tries not to blame herself but in situations like this it’s almost normal for people to try to place blame on themselves when, in reality, there was nothing they could do to change what happened. 

Beca promises she’ll never leave Chloe’s side, no matter what. When the redhead is crying into her shoulder late that night she reminds her that they’re going to be okay and that she is safe in her arms, in their bed. She tells her that while the night may be dark and frightening, dawn will come, the sun will rise, the birds will chirp and good days are coming. 

 

\--

 

_ Don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire _

_ The war outside our doors keeps raging on _

_ Hold onto this lullaby even when the musics gone, gone _

_ Just close your eyes, the sun is going down _

_ You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now _

_ Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound _

 

\--

 

The good days just don’t seem to be coming fast enough. She feels the slightest happy moments here and there but there hasn’t been a day in which things were just totally back to ‘normal.’ There’s always something, Chloe notices, something that’s different. Like how the songs she used to sing along to don’t even get a hum out of her. She notices that she’s slipped into a ‘comfortable’ routine of sleeping a lot and drowning herself in the work that will culminate her college career. She blames the stress of finals and the impending graduation for her seemingly down mood. Deep down she knows it’s much more than that. 

The Bellas notice, of course, because how could they not notice Chloe’s smile falter when an adorable french bulldog came rushing over to them on the street. Or that she doesn’t sing along to ‘Party in the USA’ when it comes on the speakers in their kitchen. Or when she turned down a Disney movie night. They, too, contribute all of this to the stress of finals, graduation, and figuring out the aftermath that is post graduation life. 

Beca knows. As soon as Chloe told her what happened, everything started to make sense. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, she knew that Chloe was going to need help in some form. Any form, honestly, something was better than nothing. For the time being, Beca promised herself to be that person who does everything she can to support the older girl. And so she started her plan to make sure that Chloe wasn’t oversleeping or completely locking herself away in her room only leaving to go to her final classes. She made sure the other girl was eating, showering, doing all the things that often get put on the back burner when things become a little too much to handle. Beca knows this feeling all too well and while she never had someone looking after her when she was struggling, she promised to be there for Chloe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know the song it's Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know the song mentioned it's By Your Side by Sade 
> 
> Emotional I know. I teared up thinking about this story. It was going to be a slow burn and then it took a whole other meaning. There is a chance of a sequel to this...because things aren't quite as they seem. 
> 
> Let me know what you think...about any of it..literally this is my baby right now


End file.
